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Laurie Wade

I just got married on sept. 8...the day we returned from our honeymoon my new husband told me his car was repossessed because he sent the car payment in late. Later that day it comes out he didn't even SEND the payment in. Yesterday he contacted the auto finance company to find out what he needed to do to resolve it and get his car back. They told him pay 918.00today i was ready to go to work, but first went to the bank to withdraw $600 of wedding money. He had $350 of his money to put towards it.I called the finance company this morning after finding out I couldn't get through because we are EST and they are PST. I had to call my office and take a personal day. When I finally got through to the service rep my hubsband talked with yesterday, it comes out that that not only did he not make his most recent payment (Sept.), he was also delinquent for July and August...that is why it's costing us over $900 to get the car back. It's still a mess, he claimed he only had to pay $9000.00 for it, and the auction house the car was taken to only has limited hours of operation. The rep told me the payof balance was $13,012. I cannot take off again from work and he still doesn't have his car back because it's an hour and half drive to retrieve the car. He lined up a friend to drive him to the places where he has to get his license plates back first, then go and retrieve the car. There is another $65 that will have to paid to retrieve the items that were in the car when it was repo'd. His whole atttitude has been they could keep the car and he'd declare bankruptcy. I don't even know if i can stay marreid to this man. The LYING to cover up bad money mangement is the thing that concerns me the most. I was the one over 2 yrs. ago that got him on the ball with looking into him having ADD. He takes Adderill, but it doesn't help alot and he frequently forgets to take it.

John M

Laurie

It is very frustrating to deal with this type of problem. You have every right to be angry with your husband.

This is the perfect time for a little compassion and a whole lot of communication. His attitude and lying are likely a cover for the shame he feels about missing his payments. People with ADD are more likely to miss due dates, and after they have missed a due date they are more likely to avoid dealing with the issue altogether in order to avoid the guilt.

You will need to have a conversation with you husband about how your finances will be managed, so that you can avoid problems in the future. This is an area where you need to demand accountability. Many couples find it easier when then Non-ADHD spouse takes charge of the checkbook, but if that does not work for you, your husband needs to show you that he has paid the bills he is responsible for.

There are many treatment plans for dealing with ADHD. Pills are less effective if the person does nothing to deal with changing his behaviors. There are many people who feel that pills are counterproductive to their treatment plan, so they just focus on behavior modification. No treatment plan will be effective if the person you are treating does not buy into the plan.

I wish you the best of luck in your marriage, and hope that you show compassion and forgive your husband for his mistake.


Bryan

Very well said! Due to this exact problem my wife checks all the mail and I haven't had a late bill in a while! I reciprocate in my own way - I would suggest making sure your husband has a way to reciprocate so he can feel less guilty...

Just thought I would comment because I know this deal very well :)

Bryan

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